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What we don’t speak - to we don’t understand, what we don’t understand - we fear, what we fear, we destroy. – (Unknown)
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Jeffry Jeanetta-Wark
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Ivy Wagner
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The only thing that anyone can ever really feel fear about is being made to feel bad and not having the power to keep that from happening. 

– Abraham Hicks

Welcome arrow Anger and Anxiety

Anger and Anxiety

"…I have struggled with anxiety, depression and anger my entire adult life. These afflictions vie for prominence in my conscience; that is to say, at times there is more awareness of one more than the others.

I am anxious about the future…I am fearful of the future. That is not to say that I am pessimistic. In a rational state, I am optimistic about my personal future and sanguine about our world…

However, on a deeper, personal level, I think irrationally and am filled with anxiety. I am afraid that I will lose my job and won’t be able to find another or that the national economy will fail and we will suffer the Great Depression all over again…I dream often of killing people or being killed. These are some of my irrational, big anxieties/fears. I have smaller everyday anxieties and fears as well.

I am afraid to walk into a room of people where I don’t know anyone. I am afraid to ask someone for help. I fear my actions are psychologically scarring my family. I fear my reactions.

Which brings me to my struggle with anger. I often react to things with anger. My Dad taught me this. He is an angry man and from him I learned that if something is not going your way; get pissed!! My anger has gotten me into trouble. I’ve been fired from the best job I ever had; a job in which I was…performing exceptionally. My anger has caused my wife to fall out of love with me…

…Over 20 years I have been trying to beat this anger thing. Other therapists I have visited concentrated on my past and directed me to work through unresolved childhood issues. My pastor, while offering wonderful emotional and spiritual support, wasn’t able to help. I took a twelve week anger management course and did learn techniques for controlling anger, but through all of it I came away only marginally improved…I was still ANGRY.

After nine months working with Jeffry in personal and group therapy, I had a breakthrough. Jeffry helped me see what made me angry. As a child, I received no nurture. My father – tormented by his own demons – was emotionally incapable of nurturing and my mother was physically incapable of it (she had been an invalid since I was 4).

Without parental nurture, there is never validation of self. My personhood, my being, was seldom, if ever, validated and that left me anger. As an adult I was reacting to my world from that place – a place of no respect, no affirmation. Whenever a situation arose in which I wasn’t feeling validated, I got angry. It wasn’t necessarily the situation that made me angry, it was the lack of validation in the situation. Gaining this understanding…has been a breakthrough.

Now when I start feeling anxious or angry about something, I take a moment to reflect on what it is about the situation that is making me feel invalidated. Then I do some self-talk and say “Okay, that is what this is about and it is not this situation. Therefore I must look to validate myself.” 

Everyone's healing experiences are different. Read what clients say about their sessions at The Center for Integrated Well-Being.

Birth of Baby

Anxiety and Anger


Stress Management

EMDR Experience

Seemorg Matrix

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